Its Just Me.

I have sat here and re wrote this post seven times now. I seriously can not explain this photo. Or my reasons for this. I guess, I was bored?

Today, it was warm.

I walked out of the building after the pep assembly expecting to be cold because I had left my jacket in the classroom, but to my surprise, it was warm.

I could feel the warmth of the sun on my back. I literally felt vitamin d soaking into my body. There is something about that feeling that just makes me want to scream "GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME" Its literally how I feel God's love the most, I think.

Ever since then, I have been full of joy. Not one bitter or angry feeling has crept into my pleasant world this afternoon.

Another contribution to that joy is the fact that we spent a lot of the afternoon working on our plans for London this coming summer. We got my passport stuff all sent in, found a flight and hotel, and just got excited to go. :)

Now I am about to go downstairs and watch "Shakespeare In Love" with my mommy and have a wonderful friday night in. ( As are all my friday nights anymore)

I hope you had an equally joyful day.

-Jessie

Dear High School Student,

The time for re-enrollment has begun....blah blah blah blah blah...

What?! Already? Second semester has been all of 10 (ish) days and already we are enrolling for next year? RI.DI.CU.LOUS.

I do not want to think about senior year yet. Unfortunately. I am being forced to plan it all out already.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE REALLY BOTHERS ME. The fact that when you enroll you have to pick an area of focus. What the crap is that about?? Isn't high school a time to experiment and try new things. Not stick to one specific area. How are we supposed to know if we like culinary arts better than.... broadcasting, if we are discouraged from trying both. I mean they can't tell me I can't take different classes, but they discourage us from it. Its just dumb. It isn't necessary to have your entire life goals (job and such) decided in high school. I am 16. Why should I pick my career now? What I do in high school, doesn't have to define who I will be for the rest of my life.

Bah. I guess the real problem is...I don't want to think about the fact that I have a whole year of high school still to accomplish.

I have no cool ending statement. So. uhm. The End?

don't hold your breath.

I have promised to blog about certain things at a later date.

This is me saying "don't count on it"

I have a bad problem with following up on that kind of thing.

Like how I said this blog would speak of Glee.

I really did think it would.

But, as you can see. Not one Glee post.

Also, I need a place to scream. So if you don't mind editing the next sentence to "I do not like" instead of "hate" That will probably convey my true feelings better. But screaming "I do not like" is not nearly as satisfying.

so....

I HATE MY ENGLISH TEACHER!!!!!

Remembering.

So tonight, like 5 minutes ago actually, I got into a conversation about my "story." I don't have the most interesting life.

I am a born and raised MO child.

There are only two parts of my story I feel have any worth telling.

1. The fact that I was adopted. (maybe a story for another post) &&
2. The story about the girl from Belarus that stayed with my family for 3 summers.

The second is the one I will be blogging about tonight. I don't have a whole lot to say. Really, just the facts. She is a year younger than me. She lives in Belarus (a small country between Poland and Russia.) And she is, for all intents and purposes, my sister. I haven't seen or spoken to her in almost five years, but I think about her often. She didn't speak any english. We bonded over The Lizzie McGuire Movie and other Disney classics. We fought a lot, but we still loved each other. She has a brother in Belarus, but other than that, no siblings. One day, she told the interpreter that she has a sister. She described the girl she called her sister, and it was very obvious that she was speaking of me. I love and miss that girl so much.

For every summer she was here, it added 7 years onto her life. In case you can't do that math. We gave that beautiful, joyful, amazing girl 21 more years to live. It wasn't hard. A little expensive, but worth it, because the truth is, she affected me and my life just as much, if not more.

There are plenty of things I could say about this girl, but words aren't enough.

Here are just a few pictures of the two of us.

My Necessities.

I promise once schools gets back on a normal schedule I will stop the excessive blogging.

Theatre has been my life since I was 12. However, I am currently taking a break. (The first break I have taken since I started) Through this experience I have found just how important it is to me.

This has a lot to do with theatre also. It's my shelf of memories. I also have some things from church and friends up here as well :)

I am very dissatisfied with this photo. I could blame my camera, but I am pretty sure its just me. awhwell. Anywho, My computer is how I keep up with life. Without facebook, I wouldn't be able to keep up with my friends. I feel like I am very busy, even though I really am not, compared to how it usually is for me. PLUS. Without my blog, my excessive amount of thoughts would literally cause my head to explode. Releasing them into the internet helps.

A picture's worth a thousand words, right? ;)

I am convinced this is the best bible ever. I wish I had the old testament.

The labels end up being torn off everything I own. It's a bad habit.

I could not live without my chapstick. I just recently switched to Burt's Bees when I found out a couple weeks ago that Carmax is addictive. They add an ingrediant that dries your lips. So it gives you temporary relief then you have to go back for more. I already feel an improvement.

I am totally and completely addicted to my phone. Its terrible. I should work on that.

Two of my favorite movies right there. :]

I am certain that if the only shoes I bought for the rest of my life were TOMS and adidas, my feet would be perfectly happy.

This was my grandma's. It is the coolest accessory I own.

This is the necklace Logann got me for Christmas. It is my favorite accessory.

I HEART MY PERFUME.

I do not go to the library as often as I would like. Its not really located in an area I am around much, but I love to read. I enjoy the library a lot when I do go.

This silver dollar was in the box my grandpa put together for me. I received it after he died. It means the world to me. I miss you, grandpa.

Welp. Now you know what I would grab if ever my house caught on fire....I am kidding. These things are important, but if there was a fire I would grab...well, lets leave that for another blog shall we? haha.

Finding Sunshine in a Rain Storm.

Today has not been the best day.

I mean, I guess it wasn't terrible, but still..

It started as any other snow day starts. I woke up late. Chilled in bed awhile, checked facebook, went downstairs and got food. Normal, right? After that, My mom calls me and tells me she has signed me up to take the ACT in February. So, I spent some time stressing over that. Then I decided, it was time for Bella (my dog), to go out. Usually we can just take her out, she will go do her business and come right back in. We don't have a fence, but this hadn't been an issue. Well today, She takes off running. I, being stupid, took off after her. Not thinking about the fact that I was in sandals, I didn't have a jacket, and my garage door was wide open. I chased her for a good thirty minutes. Several good samaritans stopped to help me for awhile. My dog is too smart though and she knew they were on my side. No matter what, we couldn't get her to come to any of us. Finally, I got her cornered. By this point, my toes were purple and my arms were bright red from the cold. I walked back home, which took another good fifteen minutes. (It's hard to walk when you can't feel your toes) Now I am home, Changed into drive pants, socks and a long sleeve shirt. My dog is sitting in my room, not allowed out of my sight or near any of the doors. And that is that.

I can think of only one thing good through this experience. I really felt the, love, my neighbors showed me today. I have never met a lot of these people. They don't know me. And still, they tried to help me. It was weird. Because I didn't start getting that support from them until I prayed. I was running, and I knew there was no way I was ever going to catch this dog. I didn't know what to do. So I stopped and said a two second prayer. Asking God for help. I knew I couldn't do it without him. And at that moment, People were just, there to help. So thank you God, for using them to help me. And thank you kind strangers, for showing me the love of God today. :)

P.S.

Defrosting your toes, hurts.

Yes, I am in fact posting TWO posts (that sound very repetitive, but I don't know how else to say it) in one day... What's it to you? My blog, I will do what I want. (pretty sure I said almost that exact sentence in my last post. Wow. stressing that point much, Jess?)

Okay so, this is lame but... it still shocks me when people call me by my name at school. I still feel like the new kid no one knows. I mean I am still the new kid. I have only been there a semester and 7 days, but it shouldn't be that surprising that they at least know my name.

I have not always had a terrific self image. I mean I am a teenage girl, its pretty average to not feel the greatest about yourself, right?

...Is that not sad? Seriously who ever deserves to feel like they aren't beautifully and gloriously and wonderfully made? Guys (or should I say girls?), We are all made in the image of THE creator. The only true God. I do not know what this exactly means, but I think its kind of like when parents look at their baby and say "oh hunny, she has your eyes!" or something like that. I mean maybe not that specific, I don't even know if God has eyes. I mean really, we have no one hundred percent accurate image of God, but my guess is its like nothing we can fathom. Beyond any beauties we know. And He chose to make us in his image. And to Him we are...the most precious, beautiful creation. He loves us so much guys. Look at this world He has given us. It takes some big love to bless someone as much as God has blessed us all. His genuine love never fails to amaze me. How can someone love one who has turned away from them so much? We have failed God numerous times, and each time He turns the other cheek and accepts us back into his loving arms. It doesn't matter how many times we mess up, He always takes us back. I know I couldn't do that. Think about how it affects a relationship, when your friend says something hurtful or hurts your feelings in some way. Can you imagine letting your SON die for that friend or even stranger, so they may live? I mean ya, I would be okay with forgiving them, but giving my sons life? Never. That takes a very selfless being.

So, not to you know, change the subject, but NO SCHOOL... What did I tell ya? What will you be doing on your day off? I don't know for sure what I will be doing. Maybe read a little. I am currently reading a book called Graceling. I haven't gotten very far, but so far it has been good. Maybe I will keep you updated. If I remember.

Blogging has pretty much become my favorite thing ever. I seriously am in love with it. I am not even sure if I am doing it right, haha. O well, I don't think there really is a set way to blog. Its all about self expression, right?

This is my current obsession. I listened to it all day yesterday and I have been listening to it ever since I got home from school today. I bought the movie recently because Family Video didn't have it for me to rent. (Lamesters) I haven't watched it yet though, because I promised my boyfriend I would wait for him. Aren't I just a nice girlfriend?

Speaking of my boyfriend, look at the flowers he brought me the other day on his break! Isn't he just the best? I love that child. Even though I can't really call him a child. He is 18 after all. :)

So... I just watched American Idol. Can I just say there is a lot of young talent this year. Super excited to see how this season plays out :) P.S. can I just say I am super excited about the judges?? Steven Tyler. 'nough said.

..but seriously Jlo? Stop telling them to go to Broadway. If they don't got it, they don't got it. That is all.

Snow Hot Tea & Ellen Degeneres.

Good Afternoon.

What are you up to on this snowy wednesday?

I am here, sipping hot tea, watching the Ellen Degeneres Show, and of course, blogging my heart away.

Does that not sound wonderful? Well it does to me. Inside, hidden away from the frigid temperatures and frosty snow; wearing my extremely comfy and warm sweats (they say Logann on the leg , feel free too simultaneously all say "awww" ..or "yuck" whichever one suits your fancy).

Tomorrow promises to be a snow day. Which also brings the promise of days being added onto the end of the school year. I can't decide if this is a happy or depressing fact, but I am leaning towards depressing.

I am aware this post is rather pointless, but hey, its MY blog, so I can do/say whatever I please :) so there.

stressing.

Junior year is almost over....JUNIOR YEAR IS ALMOST OVER. Guys, that means I am almost a SENIOR. Maybe this isn't as big a deal as it seems, but still. I can't be an almost senior. I am going to be seventeen in less than a month. Since when am I almost seventeen?? That means in a year I am going to be applying and auditioning (because i want to get into a dance program) for colleges. That means in a year and a half, I will be GOING TO COLLEGE. That means I am not a child anymore.

[[in case you don't know me too well, i stress over things WAY in advance...]]

I don't know if I am ready for this, guys. I still feel like that dorky 13 year old girl with braces and a bad haircut. (I mean I guess it hasn't even been a year since I lost the braces, so maybe its to be expected that I feel like I just got them off.)

I am not ready to say goodbye to all the people who watched me grow up, who grew up with me, who are still growing with me. I mean, I know I will still see some of them, but some I will never ever see again until we're old and attending our highschool reunions.

And who even knows if I will even get all my credits...what if I can't graduate. Guys, I.CAN.NOT.NOT.GRADUATE. blah. okay so that point was a little unnecessary, sorry.

And I mean, its not ALL scary, some parts of college life seem exciting....kinda....maybe... awh who am I kidding, its all terrifying! I barely make it a week at camp without being homesick..goodness.

Okay I thought blogging would make me feel better, but it is just getting me all worked up. I am going to stop now. Okay and.......done.

dreaming for the possible

There is one question you get asked a lot in your high-school life, and probably even after. "What one thing are you most passionate about?" The reason I say you get asked this a lot in high-school, is because this is the time you are figuring yourself out. You are making decisions that affect who you are going to be, what you are going to do, and who you are going to do it with.

For me, this question is extremely easy to answer. DANCE. Which scares me. I am not the girl who has been in ballet since I could walk. I didn't take my first dance class until I was 10, and I only took until I was 12.

Middle-school was starting. I wanted to be more involved with school.

Then I started CYT. I took a few dance classes there ranging from tap to Bollywood style dancing.

Over the past summer I took a jazz/lyrical combo class from a small studio in an old, falling apart building with no air-conditioning. Now I am currently taking jazz and ballet at a local studio in a newer, very nice place, with four large studios, and, thank god, air-conditioning.

So as you can see, my dance background is limited.

With that said, you might be thinking, this girl should just find something else to be passionate about. A new dream. She will never succeed in fulfilling this goal. And maybe you are right, but if I don't try I will forever look back to these moments and think "Why didn't I at least try?"

So many people just give up there dreams the second it gets even the least bit difficult. But the truth is, *NOTHING* is going to be handed to you. You will never wake up and suddenly be good at something. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication.

And so maybe I didn't get the head start others were lucky enough to have, but that doesn't mean I can't still become great! It just means I am going to have to work that much harder, practice that much longer, and want it that much stronger.

I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me. Philipians 4:13

Lets Go 2011!

Do you ever feel completely consumed by the technology the world has offered us? Lately it feels as though everything I do requires batteries or an electrical cord to make it of any use to me. I am never without my phone, and usually I am involved in several conversations via texting; I don't go a day without my ipod being used (If not for music than for the many apps apple has provided me with); I check facebook, twitter, and formspring at least 3 times a day (if not more); and I watch one to two movies every night. Needless to say, the majority of my life is spent looking at a screen of some form or another. I know I am not the only one. It is just how our generation is (I know I know...worst excuse ever) but really we are so focused on constant communication with each other that sometimes I think we forget whose attention and words and love we should be desiring. If I spent half the amount of time I do texting, facebooking, watching movies, etc, with God I would double the amount I spend with Him currently. So that my friends is my New Years Resolution. I am going to set aside 20 minutes (not even half of my technology time) out of my day and dedicate them to my savior; because building a relationship with Him is what is going to keep me strong, what is going to give me lasting joy, what is going to benefit me most in the end. Sure I might fail here and again but at least I am making the effort. This time next year my growth in the Lord will be outwardly obvious and inwardly abundant. Lets Go 2011!