monday.

Monday, the day a lot of my friends are dreading, is almost here. I was dreading it. I mean it was depressing that I don't get to spend it with my boyfriend.

BUT then I thought, hey, I have been facing this day alone for years, why should it be any harder this year?

I have only ever had one other boyfriend actually on valentines day. And it was lame. His card sang to me. (I wasn't expecting it and I opened it up in the middle of class. It was embarrassing)

Besides, valentines chocolates are gross, so are the little candy hearts.

yep.

One time, My friend broke up with her boyfriend on Valentines Day....ouch.

My birthday is Valentines Day.

One time, courtwarming was on Valentines Day. I didn't have a date but I still went with the girls. They told all the guys to ask me to dance. Pity dances are not satisfying. Just saying. They are actually kind of humiliating and awkward. The guys obviously didn't want to.

yep. so I haven't really had great experiences with the day.

cept, last year cause this really great guy asked me to be his valentine. Well I did some major hinting that he should, but either way it happened. :)

we are valentines this year too :):):)

ki'mdonenow. bye.

boys.

why don't they understand that everything they say or do matters to girls in some way or another?

Lately, I have been living in the past. What I mean is, even when I forgive someone, I still hold on to that hurt feeling that their actions or words caused me.

Then this morning, while peeing ( I pee a lot when I wake up. I mean come on its been a few hours. haha) anyways while I was on the toilet I had an epiphany. JESSIE! We are told to FORGIVE AND FORGET!

I think the reason I never chose to do this before was because I thought it was impossible. I mean how do you just forget? Then I realized I had never tried. I had expected it to just come naturally, you know? And that won't happen. Forgetting and moving on is a choice we have to make.

Also don't think you are going to be able to do this without God's help. Satan loves to push these bad thoughts into our heads. He loves when we hold grudges against people, because it puts a wedge between you and God.

So ya, I have decided my life is a clean slate from today on. And it feels good. REALLY GOOD.

This being said, If I was ever mad at you, consider it the past and I won't be digging up those old bones. (ha have you ever hears that phrase? my mom uses it allllll the time "Jessie, why are you digging up old bones?" meaning: the past is past, leave it there.)

_____________________________________________________________________

Today. I FINALLY GET TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND WHO I MISS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH.

its been two weeks. Maybe that doesn't sound like much, but those were the worst two weeks of our relationship.

BUT I GET TO SEE HIM! hm..maybe I should,,,, bake him cookies or something.

the way to a mans heart is through his stomach right? haha

Oh and while he is here, we are going to the new cupcake place!!! ahhh! I am so excited.

okay, I am done now. BYE!

TODAY:

I skipped school.

I was supposed to just go in late.

But I just didn't go in at all.

I just sat in a parking lot.

Not at the school though.

It was actually really lame.

I was too paranoid I would run into someone I knew if I went somewhere.

Ya, so really really lame.

Then I went home at like 1:30.

I hid in my room in case either one of my parents came home early.

I am such lame sauce.

My car was in the garage though.

So hiding was pointless.

I will probably never skip like that again.

It's so much more fun when its just like my mom says I can stay home.

I felt really guilty.

When my mom got home (at normal time) I couldn't wait 10 minutes before I had to let her in on what I had done.

Again I say, I am such lame sauce.

My dad will never know.

The school called and my mom covered for me.

The funny thing is, she wasn't even mad.

She was just like "JESSIE!" then moved on.

Then we went shopping.

I got a new purse.

It's super duper cute.

yep. that's about it.

Train.

SO. My favorite music ever ever ever ever forever always to infinity and beyond is Train. I am so obsessed, you have NO idea.

That being said I just wanted to share a few of my favorite songs of theirs.

1. The Finish Line
2. Umbrella
3. Words
4. This Ain't Goodbye
5. Meet Virginia

Also, yes. the first two are links. BECAUSE IF YOU HAVENT HEARD THEM YOU NEED TO GET OUT FROM UNDER THAT ROCK YOUR LIVING UNDER AND HEAR THEM! The other 3 songs are equally wonderful, but if you want to listen to them, find them yourself! and then find every other train song ever written... because THEY FREAKING ROCK.

A Beastly Situation.

So. Let me catch you up.

I'm not going to Prom.

Because my boyfriend is busy performing that night.

Performing in a show where he may or may not be kissing another girl.

Okay, so maybe this isn't a big deal. ( ha, ya right. It's a big deal. and don't you dare judge me, because if you were in my shoes, I guarantee you would hate it just as much as I do)

I cried a little bit when I found out we weren't going to prom. I cried a lot a bit when I found out he is possibly kissing another girl for the show. (Just because its "acting" doesn't mean it doesn't hurt...just saying.)

I am trying so hard to be happy for him, he is so happy about his role, but the truth is, I just want this whole show to be over.

Most everybody I have talked to about it, just tell me to suck it up and trust him. Its not an issue of trust. I have no fear that he is going to fall for this girl. I JUST DON'T WANT HIM KISSING HER. That's normal, right? To not want your boyfriend kissing anyone besides yourself? I don't think that is unreasonable.

So, ya, I guess blogging about it doesn't help anything. It's not like I have any say. I can't change it so why bother worrying...

P.S. let me explain the title. He is doing Beauty and the Beast and He is Beast. Get it now?