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Thursday, February 23, 2012

"I guess I'm just a a sucker for love...."

I keep telling myself I am a strong, independent woman and I don't need a man to complete me; but I really want to be in a relationship. I just am so incredibly tired of feeling so lonely. Sometimes I feel so lonely my entire body just aches.

I watch romantic movies and I wish with everything I have that I could live my own movie romance. I want to be swept of my feet. I want to fall so completely and totally in love. I want to know someone who I trust with any and every thing. I am so sick of living vicariously through Serena's ((Gossip Girl)) love life.

I know I am still in high school and I have plenty (and I do mean PLENNNNTTYY) of time to find my 'soul mate', if those even exist, I just want someone to fill the empty for right now. Which might be shallow or something but the heart wants what the heart wants and this is what my heart wants.

I guess I just want to feel like I am good enough for someone. I know I shouldn't belittle myself so low that I need the reassurance of a teenage guy that I am worth love, but I somehow always end back in this square. Lonely and restless and impatient. 

I just am tired of sitting home writing on my blog or tweeting or repining on pinterest, or Facebook stalking. I want to go out on a date. a real, old fashioned date. Where the guy picks you up and pays and opens doors and says you look nice and walks you to the door at the end of the night and kisses your cheek or forehead because first date kisses are tacky.

Basically, I'm hopelessly caught up in this fantasy that will probably never come true. All I have to look forward to and grasp onto is the hope that I will meet someone at Mizzou next year.

For now I will continue to watch The Last Song every friday night while stuffing my face with cookie dough ice-cream and dreaming of the perfect guy.

<3 Jessie

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