Friendship.

Today I was thinking about friendships. How a lot of the friendships I've had in my lifetime have fallen apart. I wondered if I was doing it wrong or maybe just expecting to much. I decided to look up the official Webster definition. When that definition didn't satisfy me, I decided to see what Urban Dictionary thought. While both said things along the lines of "there when you need them" "a person you can trust" "someone you do all your crazy shit with" Not one definition I looked at said anything about being there FOREVER. Loving you NO MATTER WHAT.

Why is that? Is the human race so incredibly selfish that we can't 100% truly love someone unconditionally. Where no matter what happens, you are still friends. No matter how much someone messes up, forgiveness is always there.

I lost a really good friend last fall. I'm not even for sure what happened. All I know is I used to tell this person EVERYTHING, now we don't even say hi when we pass each other in the hallway. I used to call this person in the middle of the night whenever I needed someone to talk to. Everything that Webster and Urban Dictionary defined friend as, we were. I miss that friendship so much.

If that person ever reads this. I am so extremely sorry. I know I hurt you to. I understand that we will probably never be best friends again. I understand that we've lost that. I am so sorry. I wish more than anything that I could change this fact, but right now, with the current situation, that will probably not happen. I know you will do big things with your life. You will succeed in anything you set out to do. You are so talented and so driven to succeed and it inspires me so much. I love you and care about you.

<3

Time to catch up? Yes.

FINALLY blogging! I had a busy summer, folks. And now its October, so I suppose I have had a busy school year as well. I have been extremely blessed these past couple months and I just absolutely love my life. I am excited to share it with you!

Teen Staff at Youthfront Camp South! Spent 5 weeks there this summer, and then another weekend for rock the light!

Went to London!

Where the London Eye was just one of my many adventures!

Daddy surprised me with tickets to see Phantom!!! <3<3

I started my SENIOR YEAR! look at my doggy being all cute <3

Auditioned for my school musical! Yay chorus!

Had an awesome night at the Tiger Act lock in!

Got my senior pictures!

Went to homecoming!

Started reading Harry Potter for the first time. I'm already on book five!

Other things that happened that I just don't have picures from::

SAW MAROON 5 AND TRAIN IN CONCERT. and matt nathanson opened by serenading me with faster. :)

Went to worlds of fun during halloween for the first time!

Saw Les Mis, Chicago, Love Never Des, and Much Ado in London!

Started applying for colleges... scary.

Life is movig so fast, I can't keep up. I love who I am and whats been going on. I am excited to see what adventures await me!

so. my computer broke. not really sure the details. all i know is it got a virus. and now the hard drive is failing. whhhiiichhh means they are replacing it. which means everything ever saved on my computer is gone forever. joy.

but hey, i could be dead. trying to stay positive. welll, thats about it.

oh ya. be excited. cause when i get my computer back, look forward to posts about youthfront and london. p.s. i cant o the exclamation mark or caps from my phone. so ya, that sucks. haha kbye.

Deep Breath

Hello my blogging friends :)

So. its been awhile. Exactly a month actually. Thats weird. Anywho, I've been extremely busy this last month. Lets catch up.

ANNIE. That show was such a blessing. Such a life changing experience. I originally auditioned for it just as something to do to make the rest of the school year go faster. Deciding to do that show was the best decision I have ever made (other than being saved of course :)) I can not believe I did it. It is one of my biggest accomplishments I think. During our first Sunday show, I had an unexpected, unwelcome guest attend. When I found out he was in the audience, I lost it, the cast was there for me through that and with their help I was able to go out and perform the show! It was actually one of our better performances!

Easy Street <3

I had my dance show! We performed at The Lied Center at KU. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I am literally in love with that stage now. (Only a theatre kid would fall in love with a stage) It was so cool! I didn't know what to expect being in a "dance show" but I really enjoyed it. I WANNA DANCE FOREVER!

I had finals. BLEHHHHH. gross.

Tornado warnings during school, right after Joplin was hit bad. SCARY.

I had an amazing weekend with friends to start off summer.

And today, I went to the mall and fifty bajillion other places with my good friend DELANEY SOMMERS.

Now I get 4 days to rest up and relax before I leave to teenstaff at Youthfront on MONDAY! I am so stoked for this!!

friends.

This weekend has been one of the best weekends of my life. Starting with rehearsal on friday -> Daniel shaving his head friday night -> spending the night at Haley's with Sierra -> Going to US Toy to find Annie Wigs with Haley, Sierra, and Haley's mom -> going to A-Z and finding a buzz costume that would fit me (sadly I didn't have enough money for it. #ineedajob) -> going to Kathy's fundraiser recital -> thrift store shopping for old lady costumes -> going to Lowenstein and having a pizza picnic with tons of cool kids -> roxberry -> back to Lowenstein -> to Levi's trampoline -> senior day at youth. bittersweet -> buffy -> going to Haley's to watch a cool video she is making.


yep. you probably could care less about all the adventures I went on, but this is my blog and I feel like writing about them. so deal.

It was a very nice "de-stressing" weekend. (is that even a word? owell, youknowwhatImean)

This weekend felt so much like summer, it's depressing that I have to go back to school tomorrow. But, I don't have that much longer. This week is EOC's which I don't have to take but, because of them, my classes are longer, which means most of my teachers are just having us watch movies. Friday is Pop n' Jazz. Saturday is move in for Annie / my cousins fashion show in the evening. All next week is show week for Annie (stoked!!!!!!!!), then a week of hell, then finals week, THEN SUMMER!!

AND JUST A WEKK(ish) AFTER SCHOOL'S OUT IS YOUTHFRONT! I am so excited to teenstaff. and then teenstaff again, and then the lake (maybe) with friends, then camp at youthfront, then LONDON.


AHHHH life is just so good! :) I could just jump for joy!!




p.s. awkward double attitude leap. HA.







anyways. this weekend has just shown me how incredibly blessed I am. I throw myself a lot of pity parties, and I've had quite a few emotional break downs in the past few months. Starting last November, my life began to crumble apart. My friend once told me "When you have taken all you can bear and it feels like you can't keep fighting through and when you have hit rock bottom; that's when God has something truly amazing in store for you" I have grasped so hard to those words. They are my water floaties in this deep end of life's pool. Being with my friends this weekend has truly opened my eyes and shown me that I don't got it that bad. I've got it really good actually. :)


peace.love.friendship.

<3 Jessie

I am so incredibly stressed right now. My life has been on fast forward for the past month and looking forward into the coming months, it doesn't seem like it will slow down until July. Don't get me wrong, I love being busy. I can not handle not being busy, I go insane. I just wish all my busy was the fun kind of busy. Explanation: I wish I could just have the dance, theatre, and choir busy and skip the school busy. Since its getting down to the final days of school, the teachers have started going at a quicker pace so we can get everything done. Currently I have basically six papers to write all for the same class (I am taking a break from that writing to do this writing). All six of those are due tomorrow. I feel like I am not given the amount of time I would like to finish most the assignments given to me. Its not like its impossible to get it done, just that, having shortened periods of time to work on things stresses me out. And then on top of that, we only have three more rehearsals until my show moves into the theatre. I am so excited for show week, but also deathly afraid. This my first lead and I don't know what to expect. I am not worried about my lines or my choreography or lyrics. Those things come naturally to me. I am mostly worried about how tired I will be. I do not function well socially when I am low on sleep and stressed. Another thing that worries me is that I will be missing on of our final rehearsals at the church for a choir concert. Which stresses me. Also, with missing school two days for shows, I am worried about my grades., They aren't exactly where I want them right now. Once school is out I won't really be stressed anymore, just buy. from June 6- July 13th I am pretty much booked solid. I am teenstaffing at youthfront, camping at youthfront, possibly going to the lake for my friends birthday, and GOING TO LONDON! I am so excited for all of these things, but I am scared I will be missing out on summer here with friends. I've started to get my stress headaches and if I am not careful and try to calm myself down, they will very shortly turn into migraines. And those are not pleasant, especially not for busy people.

bleh, okay I am done rambling and venting.

<3 Jessie

"While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate,

I can not separate myself from life.

I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance."

- Hans Bos